ANXIETY

ANXIETY

Here’s a topic that I never planned to write about. At least, not until I realized how much it might help people. Not just people coping with anxiety themselves, but the people who  love them as well. 

Having anxiety is tough. Everything is scary. I would know, I’ve been suffering from it since I was young. Every little thing makes me doubt myself. If my boyfriend and I have a misunderstanding, I immediately jump to the conclusion that he’ll get sick of me and leave me. Now, while I know, in my head and in my heart, that he won’t leave me, I can’t help my doubts. It hurts me a lot. Not physically as much, but mentally. 

Physically, I find myself getting worn out from the stress. My immune system isn’t up to par with what it was when I had medication that, while I thought it helped “ADHD”, was helping stifle the anxiety. It calmed my nerves. I find myself, now, sicker than I’ve ever been. I get colds constantly, I always have an upset stomach, I get headaches and migraines almost daily. Not because of a specific trigger, but because I get nervous and by getting nervous, I stress myself out.

Mentally, I’m ripping myself apart. The logical part of me knows a situation to be what it is. For example, a test. I know it’s just a test and that I know every piece of the material. However, when I step foot into the test room, my brain wipes itself clear of an entire semester’s worth of work and studying. I can’t function. The test gets handed to me and my first thought is “I didn’t learn this!”. It sucks because I find myself far below my full potential, and not because I’m not trying hard.

For the people who are dealing with anxiety, sometimes it feels like every bit of the anxiety is directed their way. Like the anxious person is blaming them for the anxiety. But it’s never their fault. Triggers come in all shapes and forms. For me, the tone of voice is often the main trigger. It brings back flashes of the past. Like, if someone sounds like they’re talking down on me, it brings to mind a guy who talked like that who harassed me when I was young. I instantly get defensive and scared. Or, if I hear someone who sounds like they’ve given up, I get scared they’ll leave, whether it’s my boyfriend or my best friend. 

It’s not a conscious choice. Trust me, if I could throw away the anxiety, I would. It isn’t helping too much. However, there is a benefit for me. I am VERY aware of my surroundings. I can read peoples’ emotions based on facial expressions and voice tones. Sometimes I overanalyze these, but not too often. It makes me very good with people, and sometimes not so good. Many people don’t like being analyzed. But it’s okay to those close to me. I usually find that I can help them when they don’t know how to ask for it.

I know it’s hard to deal with anxiety, regardless of if you’re the person WITH anxiety, or their loved one. It makes every day a struggle to get through. Sometimes, you must walk on eggshells and sometimes, you have to bite the bullet and talk to the anxious person about it. It’s never an easy task, but in the end, it will help both parties. You CAN help. You can just be there for the person, reassuring them that everything will be okay. Also, if you need more resources for anxiety, don’t hesitate to either ask the person with anxiety or a family member of them or a counselor or even look it up online. In the end, you can’t do more harm by knowing more about this disorder. 

Remember: THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE