DEPRESSION

DEPRESSION

It’s a very taboo topic. People often avoid it. Or, they run from it. It’s not a sunshine-and-butterflies topic. It’s reality at its worst. People suffering from it feel hopeless and the people around them feel saddened by their inability to help. But maybe, the best way to help is to try and understand. That’s why I’m writing this.

I once had depression. It was induced by a medication for ADHD. But I knew depression. It didn’t start out too bad. I started doing a little worse in classes. I skipped a few homework assignments. Nothing too big. Then, it got worse. I started feeling like the world was out to get me. Like I was stuck in a rut. Hopeless. I began to have thoughts of cutting myself. Of being elsewhere. Of being dead. It never got to the point where I carried out my actions. I was saved by my father catching on the symptoms. I was taken off the medication immediately and I began to feel better.

People with clinical depression don’t miraculously get “better”. They have ups and downs all the time. Some days are considered “amazing”. Where depression backs off just long enough to allow the victim to feel comfortable. Then it begins to sneak up again. And the person who suffers from it knows just when it will come back. Their world gets darker and darker until they reach a pit of despair. And it keeps happening. It comes in waves, sometimes worse than others.

A main feeling that people get when they are depressed is abandoned. They feel like nobody will care or want to help. Like nobody will understand. Honestly, understanding most likely won’t happen. It’s hard to accept that, but it’s an unfortunate truth. Many people haven’t experienced depression. Those who have often mistake depression for PMS or work stress. It’s a shame that not many people understand.

However, people CAN help. Friends and family of a person suffering from depression shouldn’t act any different. At least, not unless the episode gets bad. If it becomes a problem, try different approaches. I know a guy with minor depression and when it gets him down, I get assertive. I say “stop that right now. You have plenty of people who love you. Are you going to let this hurt you both?” And usually, that’s enough. Of course, his depression barely skims the surface.

Sometimes, help just can’t be given. In some cases, people will go into extreme denial and not ask for help. Occasionally, they even vehemently refuse help. If that happens, give them space. They’ll work through it. However, if they begin talking about being dead or injuring themselves, ask that they seek help as soon as possible. They may refuse. If that happens, just say “ok”. Don’t just walk away though. Leave a note with the suicide hotline number or a number for a psychologist.

If you can’t help, and something happens, don’t blame yourself. You tried. That’s all that matters. Don’t dwell. Hopefully, the person accepts the help.

Don’t stress yourself out over it though. If you still can’t take the emotions, give yourself a small break. Don’t blame the person. Just hope it will get better.

Remember: There’s ALWAYS help when you need it.

ANXIETY

ANXIETY

Here’s a topic that I never planned to write about. At least, not until I realized how much it might help people. Not just people coping with anxiety themselves, but the people who  love them as well. 

Having anxiety is tough. Everything is scary. I would know, I’ve been suffering from it since I was young. Every little thing makes me doubt myself. If my boyfriend and I have a misunderstanding, I immediately jump to the conclusion that he’ll get sick of me and leave me. Now, while I know, in my head and in my heart, that he won’t leave me, I can’t help my doubts. It hurts me a lot. Not physically as much, but mentally. 

Physically, I find myself getting worn out from the stress. My immune system isn’t up to par with what it was when I had medication that, while I thought it helped “ADHD”, was helping stifle the anxiety. It calmed my nerves. I find myself, now, sicker than I’ve ever been. I get colds constantly, I always have an upset stomach, I get headaches and migraines almost daily. Not because of a specific trigger, but because I get nervous and by getting nervous, I stress myself out.

Mentally, I’m ripping myself apart. The logical part of me knows a situation to be what it is. For example, a test. I know it’s just a test and that I know every piece of the material. However, when I step foot into the test room, my brain wipes itself clear of an entire semester’s worth of work and studying. I can’t function. The test gets handed to me and my first thought is “I didn’t learn this!”. It sucks because I find myself far below my full potential, and not because I’m not trying hard.

For the people who are dealing with anxiety, sometimes it feels like every bit of the anxiety is directed their way. Like the anxious person is blaming them for the anxiety. But it’s never their fault. Triggers come in all shapes and forms. For me, the tone of voice is often the main trigger. It brings back flashes of the past. Like, if someone sounds like they’re talking down on me, it brings to mind a guy who talked like that who harassed me when I was young. I instantly get defensive and scared. Or, if I hear someone who sounds like they’ve given up, I get scared they’ll leave, whether it’s my boyfriend or my best friend. 

It’s not a conscious choice. Trust me, if I could throw away the anxiety, I would. It isn’t helping too much. However, there is a benefit for me. I am VERY aware of my surroundings. I can read peoples’ emotions based on facial expressions and voice tones. Sometimes I overanalyze these, but not too often. It makes me very good with people, and sometimes not so good. Many people don’t like being analyzed. But it’s okay to those close to me. I usually find that I can help them when they don’t know how to ask for it.

I know it’s hard to deal with anxiety, regardless of if you’re the person WITH anxiety, or their loved one. It makes every day a struggle to get through. Sometimes, you must walk on eggshells and sometimes, you have to bite the bullet and talk to the anxious person about it. It’s never an easy task, but in the end, it will help both parties. You CAN help. You can just be there for the person, reassuring them that everything will be okay. Also, if you need more resources for anxiety, don’t hesitate to either ask the person with anxiety or a family member of them or a counselor or even look it up online. In the end, you can’t do more harm by knowing more about this disorder. 

Remember: THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE

SELF INJURY

SELF INJURY


Never an easy thing to cope with. Whether it is you or your friend, it is hard. You hear about it more often than not. "Did you hear that one dude cut himself! Ew!" But why scoff at that? Clearly, this person is going through something hard.


I knew a person who cut herself. She did it because she wanted to see what it was like. To feel something. It was a habit. Soon, it became the only way out. Scars ran up and down her arms and legs. I wished, so much, that I could've helped to stop it. But when I listen to her talk about it, it's not hurting her.


Ethical dilemma.


I didn't know whether I should do something about it and tell someone or if I should leave her alone and let her deal with it. But in the end, it didn't matter what I thought. It was a choice SHE had to make. A choice that, no matter what, I'd still be her friend despite it. Here I am today, knowing she's still okay. Do I worry about her? Of course. She's a special person. She's a friend.


Now, I've also experienced desperation enough to consider it. What would it feel like to cut myself? And I stopped right there. I can't do that. I've made a promise to never hurt myself. Plus, what will I gain? A moment of pain to distract myself? Not worth it.


Also, what would my friends think? Would I become the person they whispered about in the halls? Would they judge me because I did it? This ties back into self-acceptance here. If you accept yourself, these thoughts won't plague you.


Cutting isn't the only form of self-injury. People punch walls, kick things, scratch themselves, bite, hit their head off a wall. It is hard to cope with from the outside, but remember how tough it must be for them. The most you can do is be there for them when they need a helping hand.


Keep in mind, however, if you ever need help, there is ALWAYS someone you can turn to. Your friends, your family, your school counselor, even a psychologist. Sometimes, you can also just put your frustration into a creative outlet! Try singing every song you know, jam out to your iPod, dance in your underwear, go for a run, draw until your hand is numb! Try different things and someday, you'll get through it.


Remember: YOU ARE LOVED


fin

ACCEPTANCE

 ACCEPTANCE

I know, this is vague. But do you ever walk through the halls of a school building or across a campus and feel insecure? I do. Every day. "Is my hair okay?", "Does this make me look disgusting?", "Did that guy laugh at me?". Well, maybe my hair poofed, and maybe that guy DID laugh at me. But I turn the other cheek. Because I accept myself. 

I know, that's also unlikely. And some of you are probably thinking "but how does that apply to me?". Simple. It applies to everyone. Acceptance isn't just about making sure other people like you. It's about making sure YOU like you. You should be able to look in the mirror and say "Yeah! I got this!". Not an easy thing to do. I know from experience.

Here's an example:

A few kids were being bullied. Getting called "fat" and "fag". In order to exact revenge, they made a fake profile on Facebook. Not a huge deal. It started with a little teasing. Then it escalated. The problem was quickly rectified. But I got to talk to one of the kids. And it made me less upset about the situation. These kids were sad and feeling abused verbally. They felt helpless. And I had to listen to this. I've been there. I was once the kid who walked the halls of her school being picked on and judged for her appearance. I've felt the stinging words of "fatty", "ugly", "dumbas*". It hurt so much. But watching the reaction of the kid I talked to, I knew I could tell him the words I never got to hear.

"You are loved"

Words I was longing to hear, but never had the mentor to tell me. So here I am, at my computer, trying to help these kids understand how much people care about them. Things get tough. Every day, kids and adults alike walk around and hear the snide remarks of others. And I'm not going to blather on about "the bullies being jealous or insecure" because I'm sure that's been said a bazillion times before. Yes, the bullies are probably insecure, but they make a choice to harass others. 

You can rise above it though. You, the reader, are a good person. I'm sure of it. If you've taken time to read this little bit of information, then you probably know a bit more than you came into this note with. However, even though you can accept yourself, others won't necessarily do the same. People won't change just because your perception does. I know that sucks, but it'll be okay.

It took until I got into college to see that my own opinion is the only one that matters. People who are truly worth your time won't care how you look. They'll accept you for you. And that's what truly matters.

So, with that, message me with any questions about this topic or to request another one. 

Remember: YOU ARE AMAZING.

fin